He was birthed from a barrel of aged whiskey circa some time ago.
How big is Dick?
He’s 6.5 inches of fun.
What is Dick’s job?
You can buy him for your best friend who’s probably already bought one for you. Buy him for your aunt who’s finally retiring. Buy him for your husband who works way too much and needs a laugh. Buy him for the bachelorette party, because planning a wedding is way too much work. You can even buy him for the guy on the subway who has a stress vein pulsing on his forehead every morning, ‘cause he definitely needs to relax. The possibilities are endless.
Where should I put Dick?
He can chill on your desk, to remind you that you’re so much more than your job. You can keep him in your purse, to remind you that money isn’t real, and that you should splurge every once in a while. You can keep him under your pillow for magical Dick dreams. And when in doubt, keep him by the bar. That’s his happy place.
In short, put Dick anywhere you want to, baby.
But like, what does Dick do, though?
Not much, and he invites you to do the same.
Does Dick have a significant other?
Not at the moment, but he thinks you might be the one.